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Basic Rules For Dealing With In-laws And Relatives In Your Marriage


Relatives
Couple posing for a photo with relatives during weeding/todayschristainwoman.com
Getting married is one thing and dealing with all the challenges that comes with it is quite another thing.
The simple truth is that marriage would take a whole lot of one's abilities to make it work because it requires being ready to balance your basic needs as a family with that of your in-laws and at times some trouble makers camouflaged as extended relations of your husband or wife.
But notwithstanding, all the likely problems that comes with marriage especially on the side of the in-laws, it is not an impossible task to handle because there are good number of people who has been able to manage all the distractions some of which were even capable of scattering the marriage. Just have it at the back of your mind that it's not an impossible task.

 Without sounding too simple however, it takes a down to earth, united couple to maintain a good and cordial relations with their in-laws and some problematic relatives.

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No sane person or couple would want to get married only to start enmity with in-laws or other relatives. We all want to be happy in our marriages but that doesn't come on a platter of gold; there must be some calculated measures to have it achieved.

To start with, there is a saying that 'A happy marriage is not like a football where there are end-runs'. It's only in a game that a player may has the right to do it all by himself  but even at that it doesn't work all the times.

In the game of marriage, no one should be allowed to go behind his or her spouse's back when
dealing with the in-laws and relatives.

 This may appear too simple but it has been the causes of some serious discords in marriages as opposed to when the couple carry each other along while dealing with anyone else.

The issue of dealing with in-laws and other relatives in marriage is something that many are getting wrong even when they know fully well that the damages that follows are often too numerous to mention.

This post is constructed in a way that it could go a long way in proffering some practical solutions to the age long problems of the in-laws and relatives challenges that had bedeviled many families.

Here Are Some Workable Ideas In Dealing With In-laws Peacefully:

* Work with your spouse.


This is were it should all start and continue with. When a husband and wife fully understand that they are together in this as one, every conflicts always get treated as an intruder.
in-laws
Peaceful co-existing with in-laws/cnn.com
 While it is good to maintain a peaceful atmosphere in a marriage, there are sometimes when you are forced to make a choice between two things. In as much as we try keep away from conflicts between us and our relatives, there occurs some minor frictions that if mishandled, are capable of getting out of hand and turning into something big.

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 Whenever you senses any of such monster brewing up, the best thing to do is never to take sides; if possible, give your supports to the opponent so to say because that weakens whatever reasons for conflicts that may be gaining momentum, any little support or taking of sides by you should be avoided if you want to maintain peace.

*Set Boundaries.


There are things you want as couple which may be different from what your relatives prefer because they are not you. No matter how rich or poor you may be as couple, when you set boundaries and place limits on the things you can allow from your relatives, the stronger you becomes as a couple and would be respected on  that.

Read More: On How To Balance Marriage And Relatives 

 For instance, how about the idea of giving  loans to your relatives? Can you do it and insist on all the requirements to be met without creating some future problems? To them this might be alright, but what about you, does that go against what you had agreed to do or not? Likewise every other little things which they may be expecting from you

Keep To your Rules.


'If not because of this I wouldn't have done that', some unwittingly trades their long held principles in exchange with pleasing their in-laws.  Such kind of reasoning or actions doesn't help matters either because it weakens your resolves to maintain your dignities even when it should matter most. There are rules to be kept if any agreement is to be upheld.
marriage
Maintain your rules/wsj.com
 Before your marriage, your parents no doubt has some measure of control over you but definitely no longer now that you are married, because enforcing the same old rules and principles may be counterproductive at best. The rate at which your father or mother may control any of you is now highly reduced and every mothers, fathers in-laws and other relatives should know this.

* Who Are You?.


This is a question that shouldn't have come in here if not because of its relevancy. Some people make the mistakes of playing into the hands of their in-laws only to find it very difficult to get out when they want.

 Before getting married to this man or woman, how do you relate with others even your own relatives, do you usually go all your ways to have their requests of you met or are you known for who you are?

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 If maintaining your true personality and acting on what you believed to be right has actually been productive to your person, why then do you think that canceling your important appointment just because your in-laws says that theirs are more important? Remember the issue here doesn't have anything to do with flexibility or being accommodating but being real to the situation on the ground.

Comprising your stands on every little things doesn't make you a real man or woman but rather eats deep negatively into your personality and pockets as well. Know yourself and keep to who you are because it makes you a worthy and respectable son or daughter in-law.

*Keep The Gap Closed.


Which gap you may ask? The gaps of good communication in marriage. This is highly applicable especially if you are living with any of your relatives. Avoid relaying your words.

 For instance, if you have something against your sister or brother in-law who lives with you, resist the tendency of asking your spouse to talk to his brother or sister about something that he did wrong....talk to the person yourself and have whatever it is resolved between two of you. Sometimes it may just be an ordinary clatch of interest or that of cultural differences at doing things.

*Being Firm With Your Resolves.


 At times some of your in-laws would test your patience to the limit. When you notices this, do not waste time to have things brought to your preferred ways. If they has the habits of taking your things without permission, don't just overlook it but make your stands clear to them and stick to your gun.

*Do Not Loose Your Sense Of Humor.

love
Keep the fire burning/huffingtonpost.com
Generally speaking, conditions is hard every where and sometimes it affect one's relationship with others; but even as that, do your best to retain the real you and for all times. The number one factor in this is not to allow outside influences to dig holes inside your relations with your partner. Keep reminding yourselves of your determinations to maintain peace as you also make sure that your unity as a couple is not being traded for that.

*Maturity


Acting and being matured in handling all the challenges that comes to you is no doubt what would help you to hold your head up. It is a clear fact that your in-laws may not be happy seeing you displaying enough maturity when it comes to dealing with them, but learn to adapt with the same maturity.

Of course there are at times when this may be very hard to do but at such periods try making your ways through with negotiations if possible instead of taking direct defensive measures that may likely shift the problems to the front.

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You and your spouse are more powerful than you think. Two are better than one. You're adults, a family unit. You can control visits, holiday celebrations, and access to grandchildren. Don't assume that you're powerless. No one can push you around if you don't let them.

By doing your best to follow these basic rules for dealing with in-laws and relatives in your marriage, you are to sure to keep maintaining the badly needed peace in your matrimony.

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3 comments:

Anonymous said...

Another mind blowing post! Man you simply have them under control. More grease to your elbows

Anonymous said...

I love this important piece of advice. Please keep the good works coming.

Olusola Odunuga said...

This makes much sense.